Apr. 26th, 2013

starrymite: (Default)
There have been a few times over the last couple of months where I have considered quitting all involvement in fandoms. But I think I'm starting to get to a good place in regards to fandom stuff. This may sound unusual, but the Green Lantern fandom is the first fandom that I have ever participated in. I've done fan art before that, but didn't post it online or join discussions or anything. And really, I haven't maintained a presence on the Internet for more than about four years. I was forced to create a webpage and do research on the Internet in college, but avoided it after that. (It caused me too much anxiety. If I seem shy now, that's nothing compared to what I was before. I'm awkward enough IRL, but at least then, I can read body language and facial cues to help me communicate with people. And not being able to communicate as well made me feel paranoid. But I've since developed some coping skills and learned to be less shy since then, thank goodness.)

But I'm starting to finally get to a place where things aren't bugging me so much. Things started out fun enough; I connected with people with similar interests to me, which is hard for me to do where I live, and I felt inspired by what everyone else was creating. But then I started experiencing a lot of crap that for a time made me debate with myself over whether or not I wanted to participate in fandoms at all ever again. And it's all the usual crappy stuff that everyone else is used to and just takes for granted as being part of the territory. But I wasn't used to it at all and really wasn't sure how to handle certain things.

But I have gotten to the place at this point where people are no longer taking me by surprise and I have my own ways of dealing with them. And I've decided that it's worth it for me to overlook all the annoyances because I have made some wonderful friends from different part of the country and around the world that I would never have met otherwise. And I treasure those friendships and look forward to making more friends. And I've discovered that it's much easier to connect with people based on fannish stuff than it is with anything else. I don't know why this is. I've tried connecting with people on social sites based on motherhood, religion, non-fannish art, and other things, but I was never able to actually connect with anyone for some reason. I've tried to analyze this, but I just can't. That's just the way it is for me. *shrugs*

And also, I find myself drawing things that I love I never would have done had it not been for the influence of another creator in the fandom. And it's just the absolute coolest when something I do influences someone else! Ah! I could just about do backflips when that happens. I won't be able to do very many elaborate pictures while I'm working on my other projects, but maybe I can work on certain pictures periodically, whenever I get the time. I do a lot of quick sketches too, and surprisingly I keep getting more followers because of those sloppy sketches. But then I guess it's just about sharing a mutual love for those characters with other fans that is the real draw for people... So, yeah, I think the good for me greatly outweighs the bad in this case. And when I get hurt or PO'd again, I'll just remind myself of this.


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